Nothing Is What It Seems To Be
by huntbastians
Summary: This starts at 3-14 On My Way, where Sebastian is deeply affected by its events. Meanwhile, Jeff is invisible and couldn't help but wonder if anyone would notice if he was gone. The two have something in common though and form an unlikely friendship. Jeffbastian!friendship and possible Niff and Seblaine.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, so this story starts at 3x14 On My Way, and all events are canon up until then. Also, this is strictly a Jeffbastian friendship story, and Jeff and Sebastian dorm together at Dalton. There might be some Seblaine and/or Niff, but I'm not too sure yet. There may be some triggers for suicide attempts and/or self-harm later in the story. And I do not own any of the characters. I hope you enjoy this story! I'll try to update as frequently as I can, and reviewing and following this story would help encourage me to do so :)**

Jeff returned to his dorm from the library where he did most of his homework. He was tired and just wanted to blog to forget about all of his problems. Though, when he entered his dorm, he saw something he would never expect. He saw his roommate Sebastian sitting in his bed, crying. Crying. Jeff was shocked to say the least. What could have happened that Sebastian of all people was crying? Jeff didn't even know that Sebastian was capable of human emotions. But despite the fact that Jeff was disappointed with all of the antics he's lately been pulling, he couldn't help but to be concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Jeff asked.

After Sebastian saw that Jeff was sitting next to him on the bed, he replied with a sniffle, "You didn't hear?"

"Hear about what?" Jeff asked. Suddenly Jeff had a bad feeling about whatever that happened that could make Sebastian of all people cry.

"Do you know who Dave Karofsky is?"

"Wasn't he the guy that bullied Kurt?"

After taking deep breaths, Sebastian attempted to regain some composure, and Jeff could see his face better. His hair was a disheveled mess rather than perfectly styled. His signature smirked was wiped from his face, and his eyes were red.

Jeff could never expect what he heard next: "Well he tried to kill himself."

Jeff was at a loss of words. Despite what he's done to Kurt, that was still terrible.

"Is he alive now?"

"Yes."

Jeff honestly felt terrible. What could have driven someone to the point where they would see suicide as an option? Well there were many things actually. It could be bullying at school, abuse at home, or anything of that sort. Or it could be the simple belief that one was not wanted in society. Jeff would be lying if he said he hadn't considered suicide a few times before as well. Jeff was a nobody-and he was often just a waste of space.

"And it's all my fault." Sebastian said, his voice breaking.

Jeff froze at that sentence. What did Sebastian do that could have driven someone to that point? While his intentions were never that bad, he did have a habit of taking things too far. And Jeff couldn't help but feel disappointed at Sebastian for everything he's done. But at least he has some kind of remorse for it now, not that it makes it any better.

Jeff wanted to yell at Sebastian for what an ass he was, and to ask what kind of sick person does such a thing. But he didn't have the words, he was still too in shock. Instead, he simply asked, "Why?"

Sebastian sighed deeply before saying, "Jeff, you're going to hate me for this. That is, if you don't already with what happened with Blaine…God I'm such a screw up."

Sebastian then continued," So I was at Scandals looking for a quick fuck, when Karofsky just goes up to me and asks me how to get a guy. And, I was such an ass. I may or may not have told him to stay in the closet. I didn't know what I was thinking. I always take things too far and I didn't know that what I said was going to push him over the edge like that. I completely understand if you don't even want to look at me anymore. I always let my damn pride mess up everything. I'm sorry. I can't say that enough."

Jeff just sat there frozenly, he was at a loss of words. He had no idea what to do or say. Should he yell at Sebastian for what a dick he was? Should he comfort the guy who was obviously breaking down? Should he give him advice? Jeff was never good with words. During school and Warbler practice he was always quiet, he usually only talked to Nick. Should he forgive Sebastian? But "sorry" doesn't make up for everything. But Sebastian broke the silence.

"Hit me. You know I deserve it." Sebastian said brokenly.

Now Jeff really had no idea what to do. But he did have to say something before the ongoing silence drove both Jeff and Sebastian mad.

"Uh..n-no." Jeff stuttered.

Despite the anger he felt towards Sebastian for being a selfish dick, he knew that hitting him won't make anything better. But Sebastian still had to take some kind of responsibility for his actions. But how was Jeff supposed to tell him that? Jeff was terrible with words. He often stuttered and he was painfully shy, and because of that he had few friends despite being in the Warblers.

"Uh.. so where is Karofsky now?"

"He's in the hospital."

"Di-did he wake up yet?"

"Fortunately."

And after Sebastian said that, he had an empathetic look on his face. Like he might have gone through something similar as Karofsky. But that was probably just Jeff's mind playing tricks on him.

"That's good." Jeff said.

"Yeah."

After another long silence, Sebastian tried to regain his composure and speak again, "You know what was the worst? The comments on his Facebook page. There were p-people who told him to t-try again. Like that's m-messed up. But then so is this shit town."

"H-how do you know that?"

"We're friends on Facebook. God why do I always have to be such an asshole? I always take things too far and look at where it's gone."

Jeff was at a loss of words once again. The whole situation in fact put him at a loss of words. How could the guy have even ended up attempting suicide? The last time he was aware, the guy was Kurt's biggest tormentor at McKinley. Maybe it was family problems? But Sebastian said that there were people writing his Facebook telling him to "try again"-maybe he had a problem at school? Despite what he's done to Kurt, no one deserved to feel that way. And why would he have a problem at school-were people retaliating for all of the bullying that he's done according to Kurt? And despite Sebastian's insistence that it was his fault, Jeff didn't believe that what Sebastian said had caused Karofsky to attempt suicide. But at the same time what Sebastian said was pretty low. So what was Jeff supposed to say or do?

"Look, I don't think it was your fault that he t-tried to kill himself. But what you said was pretty harsh and you need to apologize."

Jeff was surprised that he was able to confront Sebastian of all people. Jeff was always anxious when with people and he was always too scared to confront anyone. And he was proud of himself for actually saying what had to be said for once. And the fact that he was proud of himself for actually speaking up made Jeff realize how pathetic he actually was.

There was another long silence in which Sebastian looked deep in thought. After a deep breath, he said, " You're right."

"About what?"

"About how I need to apologize. I really fucked up lately. First Blaine, and now this. Just know that I really didn't mean to screw up everything. And now it's to the point where I have apologize no matter how hard it's going to be for me."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What is it Jeff?" Sebastian asked. And he didn't sound annoyed like he usually did with Jeff whenever he tried to say something. He sounded genuinely concerned on what Jeff had to say. It was shocking how affected Sebastian was.

"W-why did you put rock salt in that slushy? I know that's not important anymore…but I'm just curious." Jeff asked quietly.

"I never meant to harm anyone. I was aiming at Kurt's chest, and since rock salt stains clothes, I thought it would have been funny to see Kurt freak out. I had no idea that Blaine was going to step in front of him like that…if only I knew."

"O-okay. D-do you know about the stuff that happened to Kurt?"

"What stuff?" Sebastian asked. He was a bit concerned and scared at this point-something happened to him as well?

And Jeff proceeded to tell Sebastian about all of the bullying that Kurt had gone through at McKinley simply for being gay. He told Sebastian about how the slushy was one of his biggest terrorizers, and saw a look of pity mixed with shame on Sebastian's face. He even told Sebastian about how Karofsky constantly harassed him for those few months, causing him to move to Dalton where he met Blaine.

After Jeff told Sebastian, he was in tears. Sebastian had no idea that all of those things had happened to Kurt. Kurt always took such pride in who he was, and it definitely took courage to wear some of the outrageous things that he wore. Sebastian may be an asshole, but he wasn't completely heartless. If he'd known about Kurt's…history he wouldn't have pulled the slushy prank. And now he screwed everything up. First he causes a guy to have surgery and then he causes someone to attempt suicide. Who knew things were going to get this bad? There was a time where he promised himself that nobody would feel as low as he had to. And look at how many times he broke that promise.

"I…I didn't know."

Jeff still wasn't used to seeing Sebastian in such a different light. He was always arrogant and scheming, with a smirk always on his face and an insult ready. But it was different when he let his guard down. In a way it was much easier to talk to him, before Jeff was always intimidated by Sebastian and most people as a whole. He always felt as if people were judging him, and why wouldn't they?

"I didn't mean to fuck everything up."

"Nobody 'means' to."

Sebastian sighed, "Well where do we go now?"

Jeff simply shrugged. He really didn't know. Maybe Sebastian could begin with apologizing. He knew that "sorry" didn't fix everything, but for Sebastian to swallow his pride and apologize was already a big step.

"Well…uh…maybe you could start by..apologizing?" Jeff said.

"O-okay. I've never really done this type of thing before so forgive me if I just sound like a major asshole, but I'll do my best."

"Okay."

"I guess I'll start with you Jeff then."

"M-me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry for being a shit roommate. I'm sorry for always making you do all of the cleaning. I'm sorry for those time I've copied your homework without you knowing. I'm sorry for being a complete dick to you in general. I'm sorry for all of the things I've said to you during Warbler practice. I'm sorry I never let you get a say in anything. I guess I'm sorry for being such a shit person."

Jeff was once again taken aback. He didn't know that Sebastian had all of that in him. Maybe he really wasn't heartless. But there was one thing Sebastian shouldn't apologize for. And that was for the things he said in Warbler practice. Jeff knew that he deserved every insult, it's not like they weren't true. Sebastian also shouldn't apologize for never letting Jeff get a say in anything. It's not like anyone else does anyway. But Jeff couldn't say all of that. Instead he just let out a weak "It's fine."

"Wait..are you serious Jeff? Because I don't blame you if you want to punch me in the face."

"Yeah, I guess. B-b-but…"

"What?"

"Maybe you could apologize to the other Warblers."

After Jeff said that, there was a pretty long silence, as it seemed as if Sebastian was contemplating the idea. But Sebastian finally said, "Okay. I really need to start over and make everything right."

"Okay."

"Warblers meeting at eight. Be ready." Sebastian said, a hint of a smile back on his face.

"Okay."

A few minutes later Sebastian left to "get some dinner" and asked Jeff if he wanted any, to which he declined. And while Sebastian left Jeff couldn't help but wonder. Would people care if he killed himself? Jeff was always a wallflower even within Dalton. He wasn't noticed by much and even within the Warblers he always laid low. His only real friend in that group was Nick. Jeff would be lying if he said he didn't have the biggest crush on Nick. Nick may also be gay, but why would he want someone as ugly and pathetic as Jeff? If Nick wanted anyone it was probably someone like Sebastian or Blaine. He wouldn't want a freak like Jeff, that would be embarrassing. But still when Nick smiled at him or playfully winked at him, Jeff swore he had butterflies in his stomach despite how there was no chance of them getting together. Why would anyone want Jeff? Not even his parents wanted a gay loser like him.

Jeff knew that Sebastian probably wouldn't be back for another ten minutes, so he had time to spare. He opened his drawer and found the little blade he took out of his pencil sharpener. And as he cut his skin he felt numb. The blood and intense physical pain numbed all of his thoughts.

But Jeff soon heard footsteps, so he quickly ran to the bathroom and cleaned up his wrist. And Jeff realized how selfish he truly was. There was someone who tried to kill himself, and yet all Jeff could think about is if people would care if he did the same thing. What was wrong with him?

And Sebastian was back. While Jeff cleaned himself up he heard Sebastian eating while going on his computer. And then Sebastian called, "Jeff, you've been in there for awhile. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." Sebastian said reluctantly. 

Soon it was eight o'clock and all of the Warblers were gathered in the common room.

Thad said, "Sebastian why did you call us here? Because if it's to pull something on the New Directions we're sick of it!"

There were several nods of agreement.

"No, Thad. That's not it." Sebastian said solemnly.

And all of the Warblers were taken aback by Sebastian's response. They all expected him to respond with a snide remark, and they had never seen Sebastian depict actual emotion.

:"Then what is it?" Nick asked. Nick turned to Jeff, who had a knowing look on his face. Did this have to do with Jeff?

"Look, there's something I need to tell you guys."

"What?" David asked.

Sebastian tried to regain his composure before saying, "You know Dave Karofsky?"

Nick interjected, "Wasn't he the guy that bullied Kurt out of McKinley? What about him?"

"He tried to kill himself."

Collective gasps were heard by all of the Warblers with the exception of Jeff who already knew. There was a dead silence until Nick asked quietly, "Is he okay?"

"He is, fortunately. But this taught me a lesson. That it's all fun and games until it's not. First Blaine almost loses an eye. And just recently someone tried to kill himself. And this whole time I've been treating everything like a joke. And…I'm so s-sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to slushy Blaine with the rock salt. I was aiming for Kurt's c-clothes. Not like that was an excuse anyway. I just wanted Blaine to myself so much, and I didn't know what he saw in Lady Face. So I decided that it would be funny to see Kurt's little clothes ruined, that was until Blaine took the hit." Sebastian looked truly remorseful, as if the guilt he felt was paining him.

"And I need to make something right for once."

Nick spoke up again, "Sebastian, you need to apologize to the New Directions. You have to at least apologize to Kurt and Blaine, no matter how hard it's going to be."

Jeff looked at Nick with awe. Of course Nick had the perfect advice for Sebastian in just a few words, but when Jeff attempted to give advice he was a stuttering mess. Why couldn't he do that? Oh yeah, it was because Jeff was an idiot, no wonder his grades suck.

Sebastian sighed as he contemplated the idea. He knew that he really was going to have to swallow his pride. But it wasn't like he didn't already apologize to Jeff and the Warblers. Why was it suddenly so much harder to do so for the New Directions-especially the so-called "Klaine"? Oh right, it was because he had to fall for Blaine. Everything about Blaine was perfect, and ever since their eyes met Sebastian just wanted Blaine. He didn't just want to fuck Blaine, he wanted Blaine to be his. But of course Blaine had to have Kurt annoyingly following him around, making it impossible for Blaine to bond with Sebastian. But what Sebastian didn't realize was that Blaine _enjoyed_ Kurt's company, that he loved him. And that Sebastian was going to have to give up. It wasn't after that failed slushy prank that Sebastian realized that he had absolutely zero chance with Blaine, no matter how unfair that seemed. And by apologizing he finally had to acknowledge that. He had to give up any pride and any chance with Blaine whatsoever. But then-it's not like Sebastian necessarily had the right to have such pride and did he ever really have a chance with Blaine? No matter how hard this was he was going to have to apologize. And he may as well do so with Santana and Brittany as well. Slushying Santana that day after the Jackson-off wasn't really the best idea. And Sebastian finally responded, "Okay. And I have to be honest with you guys. I photoshopped some nude pictures of Finn a-and I blackmailed Rachel to drop out of the competition with them. I know. I'm a terrible person. Hit me if you want to, I know I deserve it. But I just destroyed them. You can check my computer if you want. I really fucked up this time and I need to fix this."

Most of the Warblers were speechless by both Sebastian's sudden apology and Karofsky's suicide attempt. They were shocked at Sebastian's sudden change of heart. Maybe the guy wasn't completely heartless after all. And while Sebastian made a bunch of rash decisions and wasn't exactly the nicest captain, didn't everyone deserve a second chance? And a lot of them knew that it took a lot for a guy like Sebastian to swallow his pride.

"One more thing. I'm sorry for being such a dick to all of you, I can't make any promises but I'll do my best to change. I know it's just words, but words hurt nonetheless. And please don't take anything I've said personally. I really didn't mean any of it."

As Sebastian said that, the Warblers thought of all of the insults Sebastian threw out throughout practices.

Nick thought about the time Sebastian told him how his voice sounded like a dying walrus, but it was better than his dancing which was worse than an infant trying to walk.

Trent thought about the time Sebastian told him that he looked and sounded like a whale and that all of the body fat was preventing him from even dancing properly.

Thad thought about the time Sebastian told him how he wasn't even visible because he was basically stuck to the ground.

David thought about Sebastian told him how all of the KFC he was eating was showing.

John thought about the time Sebastian told him how he was never good for anything, and the only reason why he was in the Warblers was that people pitied his pathetic excuse of a life.

Jeff thought about the time Sebastian told him how he was a worthless piece of crap who always sat in the back during rehearsal. And while the things Sebastian said to the other Warblers were harsh and not true, the same couldn't be said for Jeff. The worst part was that Sebastian was right-he was a worthless piece of crap who nobody would even notice if he was gone.

Nick, once again was the first to respond. Before Sebastian took over as captain, Nick initially took over the Warblers with Thad and David, but Nick could be seen as their leader as he was always confident and quite influential. It was something about Nick Jeff had always admired and envied. Jeff couldn't be confident to save his life, nor did he have reason to.

"I think I speak for all of the Warblers when I say that you've said some pretty cruel things to us. And know that we're not going to let you stay as Captain regardless of your talent if this is going to continue. But since you seem genuinely sorry about your words, we'll give you a second chance. Don't make us regret it." Collective nods could be seen throughout the Warblers.

"Thank you Nick, I'll make sure none of you regret it. I think we need to change how things work here. You guys are all dismissed. Thank you for your time and giving me a second chance when I really don't deserve one at all." Sebastian said, and all of the Warblers quietly left the common room, still speechless about everything that had just happened.

**Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Just know your reviews mean a lot, and feel free to leave constructive criticism. **


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter was a bit painful for me to write, and it's definitely one of the darker chapters of the fic. You'll see a bit of Sebastian and Jeff's backstories in this chapter and why they are the way they are. **

Sebastian sat at the Lima Bean drinking coffee and doing homework, waiting for Blaine, Kurt, Santana, and Brittany to come. Sebastian had never thought there would be a day where he would have to be civil with them, but it's not like he had a choice. He was the one who put himself into this mess, he now needed to fix it. He was such a screw-up…he could never do anything right. He was taken out of his thoughts when the group arrived.

"Let me break it down to you, from one bitch to another. All of this vicious underhanded crap has got to stop." Santana said, straight to the point.

"Exactly, that's why I called you here." Man up. "Blaine, I am sorry about your eye."

"That means nothing to me." Sebastian couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed, but _what did he expect?_ If someone pulled something like that on him, he knew that he wouldn't be so forgiving.

"Just give me a chance. I have no excuses, other than a lame prank got completely out of control. Second, the Finn photos have all been destroyed. I want the Warblers to win fair and square. And we're going to take donations for Lady Gaga's Born This Way foundation. Win, lose, or draw, we're going to dedicate this performance to Dave Karofsky. I thought..you might want to join us." Sebastian said what he'd rehearsed in his head over and over and hopefully he sounded sincere enough, because he really did mean it.

"Wait for the punch. You know it's coming." Kurt sneered. Guess not.

Sebastian pushed back the lump in his throat, he was not going to cry in front of the New Directions. "No, not this time. For too long I had treated everything like a big joke."

And after he said that, he thought about how he threw words and insults around like they meant nothing even though he himself knew how much words could hurt. He thought about how just a few words could make or break someone's day. He thought about how just one mistake could change everything. He treated life as if it was a big game, but he realized that life was too fragile to do so.

To break the silence, Sebastian said, "It's all fun and games, until it's not."

And afterwards, the group of four left, but Sebastian didn't miss Blaine's lingering gaze on Sebastian, taking in everything he'd just said.

Sebastian decided to get the rest of his homework at the Lima Bean before calling it a day. He drove home since it was a Friday night. Usually he would head over to a gay bar, go to a party, or call up one of his fuck buddies, but he just needed a night to himself to think about everything that's been going on.

As he entered his immaculate house he wasn't surprised to see it empty. His father was never around, as he was always "on business trips" or doing something for work. But Sebastian knew the truth that his father tried to avoid Sebastian. The few times that he did see his father he was always rather cold with an insult about how he was the "disappointment of the family". Things weren't much better with his mother. Since his mother never loved his father, she didn't see why she should take any concern for Sebastian. She had a new husband named Peter who she had a little girl named Belle, and as far as she was concerned, Belle was her only child. As far as his family was concerned, he was just a mistake and a failed abortion. His parents were never in love, they were once married but it was only for status. When Sebastian was 3 they divorced because of his mother's infidelity with his stepfather and he never saw again. Well that was what he liked to think. There was another time where he did see her which he wanted to block out.

Sebastian then thought about what he'd done to Blaine. Sebastian thought about why he was even so attracted to Blaine in the first place. It wasn't just because of his bashful schoolboy charm. There was something else-Blaine reminded Sebastian of a slighter younger version of himself. There was an innocence in Blaine which Sebastian wanted back, and it drew Sebastian closer to Blaine. And Sebastian hated to admit it but he was _jealous_ of Kurt and Blaine. He sounded like an idiot for just thinking so. But they just seemed so stable and genuinely _happy_ when they were together, and despite Sebastian's attempts to break them apart, nothing changed. And while Sebastian initially believed that their stable relationship was simply an illusion, he realized that some relationships did work out. And he couldn't help but be jealous of Lady Hummel of all people for that stability and happiness he had in his life that Sebastian could never have.

Sebastian even thought about the Warblers and how he'd ruined any chance of friendship he had with them. He started off on an okay note with them but of course he had to ruin everything by being an arrogant asshole like he always was. He wasn't initially that way but when he realized that they were actually becoming his friends he had to push them away so they won't see who he really was. That could never happen. If only they knew that behind the arrogant façade Sebastian put on that he was just an insecure little boy who took his stupid insecurities out on them when they didn't even deserve that. At least Sebastian was able to apologize and make some things right. He knew that "sorry" didn't fix much but he could try to start over with them. He wasn't planning on being best mates with any of them but it didn't hurt to not be a douchebag to them.

All of this thinking was making Sebastian's head hurt. Before he did something stupid he thought that he may as well go to Luminize, the newer gay bar since Scandals basically sucked since he screwed all of the attractive guys who regularly went there. Getting drunk and getting laid would help Sebastian forget about the mess that was his life for at least one night.

As Sebastian entered the club with a smirk on his face, people were already making their way towards him. Within an hour he grinded on several people to the fast-paced music that was blaring and he'd already gotten tipsy from the drinks people bought him. In a few hours he ended up at the house of this guy Freddie's house who he'd met and exchanged numbers with not one hour ago. It was just another one of Sebastian's typical nights.

The last thing Jeff wanted do was go back home. While most people loved weekends he hated them. That was with the exception of the weekends where his father wasn't home. Then those days were pure bliss. As he drove home he hoped that he wouldn't be noticed.

When he entered his house he realized that since it was pretty early it was just his younger sister Jessica who was in the kitchen. She meant the world to him and she was the only reason why he even came home on the weekends. She was probably the only person who genuinely cared about him and there was nothing better than seeing her smile.

"Jeff!" Jessica said, pulling him into a big hug. Despite the fact that they saw each other every weekend, she never failed to show excitement every time she saw him.

"Hi Jess, how've you been?"

"I've been okay, I missed you! I have so much to tell you!" Jessica said as she stuffed a chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.

"Well I'm all ears."

Jessica was one of the few people Jeff could actually be pretty crazy around. Because no matter she would always be there with a wide smile and a funny story.

And then Jessica told Jeff a story about how she had a crush on this boy in her grade. Despite being in the 6th grade, she seemed very into this boy named Alex. She described him in full detail and giggled every time he texted her. While Jeff was happy for Jessica with her crush, Jeff couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. His eleven year old sister had someone who was interested in her and he was sixteen and nobody gave him a second look. Jeff knew that being gay meant that it was harder to find someone, but even when he was unclear of his sexuality girls rarely gave him a second look. But the other gay guys Jeff knew (Blaine, Kurt, Nick, and Sebastian) were uninterested, and why would they be? Jeff looked painfully average, and there was nothing about him that was special-why would anyone be interested in such an uninteresting person?

While Jeff was able to share a few laughs with Jessica for an hour, it was put to an end when Jeff's father arrived home, clearly drunk. Jessica had left around 20 minutes ago to sleep over her friend's home and Jeff was thankful for that. She didn't deserve to see anything that was going to go on, despite being aware of the whole situation, any happiness she could have was well deserved for her.

"Jeffery" his father said drunkenly. Jeff expected the worst and knew that this night was not going to end well.

"Yes f-father?" Jeff said. Of course he had to stutter and ruin everything.

"What did I tell you about stuttering? You can't even talk properly! What did I do to deserve such a failure like you? Tell me!" Jeff's father said as he slapped Jeff hard in the face.

Jeff did his best not to cry out in pain and he could smell the alcohol from his father's breath. "Nothing. I'm sorry." Jeff said quietly.

"You should be, you worthless little faggot!" Jeff's father bellowed as he pushed Jeff hard into the kitchen table.

Jeff cried out in pain, just wanting the merciless abuse to end.

"You sound like a five year old, whimpering like that! Stop being such a waste of space and be a man for once!"

"I'm s-s-sorry."

"What did I say about the stuttering?" Jeff's father said as he began to beat Jeff, who just wanted the pain to stop. He just wished that his father could beat him to death so he wouldn't have to deal with this ever again. But unfortunately this was every Friday for Jeff. But things could be worse. At least this time Jeff's father didn't mention **her. **The abuse he could take, the words he could take since he knew it was all true, but the mention of **her** was one thing that was too much. It reminded him of a time where they were a happy family and he was an innocent child who was loved by all. And nothing was as painful as remembering those days.

The next morning Jeff woke up covered in bruises and he realized that he eventually fell asleep on the kitchen floor. He was relieved to realize that his father was gone and headed upstairs to shower. And as he showered, his eyes glazed over to his razor and Jeff wondered how many cuts it would take to properly kill himself. If he killed himself the pain would stop. He wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore. The pain and abuse would stop forever. But of course Jeff was too much of a coward to actually do anything. But after shaving, he couldn't help but run the blade through his wrists, wanting to see the blood pour out. It became natural instinct for him whenever he just didn't want to feel anymore. And just for those few minutes the burning sensation coming from his wrists overpowered the thoughts in his head.

A few minutes later, he heard Jessica enter the house, so Jeff turned the fan on in his bathroom so the smell of blood won't be so evident there. He also cleaned his wrists, put makeup over his bruises, and put on a long sleeved shirt and now he was going to act as if everything was okay.

He put on the best fake smile he could and said "Hey Jessica, how was your sleepover?"

"It was so much fun! I'm tired now because I barely slept at all. How was your night?"

"Well you better catch up on your sleep then." Jeff answered, clearly avoiding the question Jessica asked. He didn't want to think about last night.

"Yeah. How was your night?" Jessica asked. While Jessica appeared to be your typical eleven year old, Jeff knew better. With everything the family's gone through, she was very mature and perceptive. And while Jessica was unaware of the severeity of Jeff's father's abuse, she knew that it occurred and did her best to stop it. But she wasn't much help, and each day she felt more and more helpless. She just wished that her family was back to the way it used to be back when she was a toddler. And she knew that Jeff was evading the question she asked him. And that's when she knew that things had been bad last night. Maybe if she was there it wouldn't have been so bad…

"It was o-okay. I just did some homework, I have so much this weekend!" Jeff had a fake-cheery tone to his voice and an even faker smile which failed to mask the pain he felt. And Jessica noticed how his smile dropped for just a second before he answered her question. Therefore she looked at him right in the eyes and said, "Look at me in the eyes Jeff and be honest."

Jeff remembered how despite Jessica being young, she was ridiculously perceptive. How was Jeff supposed to tell a white lie to her now? Jessica was still a little girl and she shouldn't have to grow up so fast. She deserved a happy family where none of this happened. And while his father didn't abuse Jessica, Jeff feared every day that he would try something on her. But so far the abuse was simply verbal, but even that wasn't okay with him. And whenever his father treated Jessica like dirt Jeff always attempted to be the strong one who stuck up for her. Every time he tried to do this he was met with a slap in the face, and a few minutes later where Jessica was in her room crying, Jeff was dragged downstairs where he was beat. Why did he have to be so useless? He couldn't even protect his own sister, in fact it had to be the other way around. Why was he so weak to the point where his younger sister was worried about him? Why was he so pathetic?

Jeff was interrupted from his trance of thought when Jessica asked "Jeff?"  
"No, really Jess, I'm just really stressed out from Dalton's workload. I have so many tests coming up. Enjoy your fun while it lasts Jess." Jeff said in a stronger voice in an attempt to seem fine. His little sister didn't deserve to see him break down and be a mess.

Jessica let it slide by this time, maybe she was simply being paranoid. There were no known bruises visible on Jeff and he just seemed a bit fatigued. Maybe with a bit of rest he'll feel better.

"Well don't forget to take a break! I'm sure you'll do great." Jessica said.

Jeff decided that he would actually begin his homework, because he really wasn't lying when he told Jessica that he had an insane amount of homework that weekend. He'd actually gotten a significant amount of homework done when he heard the garage open, signifying that his father was home. He already braced himself for the worst, he wasn't stupid enough to believe that his father wouldn't do anything to him. And he had the confirmation that he was right when he heard a knock on his door.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know that there really isn't any Niff yet, but that will change in the next few chapters. Feel free to leave reviews as they encourage me to continue this story. And constructive criticism is welcome as well :-) Also, I'll try to update From Meerkats to Steroids soon, which focuses on Sebastian and Hunter but will serve as a bit of a sequel to this fic. I've been having a bit of a writer's block for that fic but hopefully I'll think of something.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Jeff, Sebastian, or any of these characters (unfortunately). If I did, the  
Warblers would have their own spinoff show, just saying. And also I'm a HUGE Riker Lynch fan so writing self-depreciating things about Jeff is beyond painful, especially since none of them are actually true :-( Trigger warnings are present for self-harm and suicidal thoughts, so if that's triggering for you, don't read. Also, if any of you are dealing with the same things as Jeff or just need someone to talk to, I'm here. You are not alone.**

It a Sunday night, and Jeff finally returned to Dalton from his torturous weekend at home. He probably was the only one who actually enjoyed school over the weekend. But with a father like his, it was unsurprising. His body still ached from the bruises he'd received this weekend, and after showering, he put makeup over them in case he forgets. Sebastian just seemed to be doing last minute homework and minding his business, which was a good thing since he was the last person Jeff wanted to know about the hellhole that was his life. As Jeff went to bed, he just thought about everything. He thought about Nick, and how despite how much Jeff secretly loved him, there was no chance for him. Nick probably wanted someone who wasn't as ugly and worthless as him, Nick only even talked to Jeff because he felt bad for him, the friendless loser. Jeff was surprised on how he even got accepted to the Warblers in the first place. Probably because they pitied him and knew that he was going to be a loner without them. But he was still a loner. But it wasn't a surprise, Jeff wasn't exactly the most interesting person and he was shy and sounded like an idiot. Why can't he be good at anything? While he loved singing he knew that he wasn't all that great-he was average at best. Jeff thought about the Warblers. They occasionally tried to make small talk with him out of politeness but of all honesty he never really fit in the group, even at lunch he often sat alone to catch up on homework. And despite being hardworking, Jeff was an average student, getting mainly B's. Nick and even Sebastian, who spent almost every night screwing some random guy, got better grades than him. No wonder nobody loved him, not even his family. No wonder his father took his anger out on him, he was the worthless one in the family, neither of them cared what happened to him. It would be a convenience to everyone if Jeff had never been born or just disappeared. But Jeff was too much of a wimp to even kill himself, and here he was being a burden to everyone. All Jeff had was a boatload of problems, bruises, and a destroyed left arm. Who would want someone as disgusting as him?

Jeff was being kept wide awake with his thoughts, and realized that it was 1:30 in the morning. Just great. But what surprised him was that when he went to the bathroom, he realized that Sebastian was in the same position with him, wide awake and unable to fall asleep. Why would that be? Jeff couldn't help but wonder what kept Sebastian wide awake. Was it Blaine? Was it Karofsky and his guilt over that? What would Sebastian even think about? Maybe he had problems that he kept hidden, maybe that was why he was such an asshole most of the time. Jeff knew that people often kept up masks to hide what they're really going through. Jeff himself would know, he was an expert at acting like everything's okay when he was falling apart more and more each day.

After another half hour, Jeff still couldn't fall asleep, and decided to listen to some music since it was better than the other option. After skipping numerous songs, he found a song he couldn't relate more to in his life. Maybe tomorrow he would sing it. And not in Warbler's practice, they didn't have to put up with his screechy voice. But in the common room after school where everyone else was busy, singing was always a good outlet for him despite having no talent whatsoever.

After a rather long lacrosse practice, Sebastian began to head back to his dorm when he heard someone singing. The person had a beautiful voice, and it conveyed such emotion. Sebastian could tell that the person was in deep pain, and each lyric he sang brought chills to him. The voice sounded vaguely familiar but Sebastian couldn't make out who exactly it was. Sebastian realized that the sound made its way towards the common room, and Sebastian recognized the song as Therapy by All Time Low. While Sebastian wasn't a huge All Time Low fan, he was a fan of that song and heard the pain in the singer's voice.

_**Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty**_

_**But I'm smiling at everything**_

_**Therapy, you were never a friend to me**_

_**You can keep all your misery**_

Sebastian was now by the common room and couldn't believe who the singer was. When he saw the flash of platinum blonde hair he was in disbelief. It couldn't be Jeff. Why would he be singing that song? And who knew that Jeff was actually a really good singer? What had Jeff been going through to make him sing a song like that? Sebastian was curious despite having no right to be. He was pretty sure how rude he was to Jeff all of these months was probably why Jeff was as broken as he was. How had Sebastian never noticed? He roomed with this guy for around 5 months, and yet as always he was too self-absorbed to notice or even care. He promised himself that he wouldn't let himself get like this. Why was Jeff even as broken as he was? It seemed like Jeff had a pretty good life-he was in the Warblers and he had Nick as a pretty close friend. What type of problems would Jeff even have? And why didn't a single person even notice how broken he was, him included?

Sebastian was now right behind the common room where he saw Jeff completely lost in the song.

_**Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to**_

_**They're better off without you**_

_**Arrogant boy, cause it seems like you're supposed to**_

_**They'll fall asleep without you**_

_**You're lucky if your memory remains**_

_**Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty**_

_**But I'm smiling at everything**_

_**Therapy, you were never a friend to me**_

_**You can take back your misery**_

_**Therapy, I'm a walking travesty**_

_**But I'm smiling at everything**_

_**Therapy, you were never a friend to me**_

_**You can choke on your misery**_

Sebastian could hear and relate to the pain in each and every word Jeff belted out. It was so painful for Sebastian to listen to the song because he remembered feeling this low. Truth is, he still felt pretty low sometimes. He related to the verse about the "arrogant boy" in the song. Sebastian always had to put up an arrogant façade to hide what he's really been through and so he won't ever get hurt again. He knew that he could be rude and a giant asshole, and that he pushed everyone away. But he had to act like he loved himself so nobody had to. It's not like they wanted to anyway, and if they really knew how much of a scared little boy he really was, they wouldn't. In fact, Sebastian didn't really have a choice, he wasn't ever really loved, and throughout his life he was treated coldly and learned to do the same. No wonder he was really as alone as he felt.

Sebastian realized that he was still right behind the door of the common room and it was a miracle that Jeff hadn't noticed him yet, he was still pretty lost in the music. But Jeff was going to notice him sooner or later, and since Jeff was probably going to leave the room soon, Jeff would notice him even if he ran now. So Sebastian decided to enter the common room. But what was he even going to say? He opted for complimenting Jeff on his performance; after all of the condescending things he's said to him, he may as well say something nice. After all, he did need to turn over a new leaf before he messes up another person's life.

"Jeff, um..I really didn't know you could sing like that."

"T-thanks Sebastian. What are you doing here?"

"I was on my way back from lacrosse practice when I heard someone singing. It's not like I was stalking you, I have better things to do."

"Oh, okay. Sorry, I know my voice is really screechy."

"Jeff. Listen to me, okay? You have an amazing voice, which is pretty hard to believe considering you barely even talk. "

"N-no I don't. I'm sorry, I know I suck."

"Jeff, I'm not kidding. You don't suck. At all. I was actually surprised at how good you were."

It felt weird for Sebastian to actually be so nice. But new beginnings, and Sebastian could see that Jeff was on the edge.

"Thanks. Nobody's ever said I was good."

"You are. And you know that I'm not some cheerful idiot who throws out compliments to everyone. But can I ask you something? Why did you sing..well that song?" Sebastian was straight to the point.

And after Sebastian asked that question, Jeff had the most broken look possible on his face, and it killed Sebastian to see it, mostly because Jeff reminded Sebastian so much of his old self. The person he wanted to forget. But soon Jeff's expression was replaced with a fake smile as he responded, "It's a nice song. I like it."

Sebastian was completely torn. While it was obvious that Jeff was lying, Sebastian didn't want to push the poor boy. Wait-since when was he so concerned on what Jeff wanted all of a sudden?

"Why?" Sebastian asked.

"Like I said, it's a nice song. I love All Time Low." Jeff said with the fakest smile possible. What made Sebastian sad was that Jeff looked like he could break at any second, though he tried so hard to hide it. Sebastian then knew at that moment that he needed to help Jeff out. Jeff obviously had a big problem going on, and Sebastian knew this because he saw so much of his old self in Jeff. But the question was how? Sebastian knew that Jeff wasn't just going to spew out his entire story, considering Sebastian never did that and never plans to do so either.

"Okay." After a pause, Sebastian continued, "Look, you seem a bit down so if you ever need anyone to talk to, just know that I'm here, and I won't be sarcastic or an asshole or anything, as hard as that is to believe."

"T-thanks. But why are you suddenly offering me this?"

"I want to stop being such an asshole and turn over a new leaf."

"Thanks. Really, I mean it I'll see you in the dorms." Jeff said with the fake smile again.

"See you." Sebastian said.

As Jeff went to get his schoolbag, the sleeve of Jeff's blazer rolled up a little, and Sebastian saw something he could never unsee. On Jeff's left wrist and forearm were red scars that could only be there for one reason. Sebastian was in shock to say the least. But before he could confront Jeff about it, Jeff had already taken off. Sebastian's mind was racing with a million thoughts. First of all, how was Sebastian going to confront Jeff about this? It wasn't necessarily something Sebastian could casually bring up. Secondly, Sebastian was scared of how much Jeff resembled his old self, even to the scars. Seeing Jeff brought Sebastian back to when he was a scared boy in his earlier teens. And Sebastian needed to do something before Jeff went to the same path he went. And while Sebastian didn't self-harm anymore, he knew what it was like and how hard it was to stop. In fact, the reason why he constantly had sex, got drunk, and went out was to prevent him from doing so again-he couldn't let that happen again. And for Jeff, him bottling everything up like this was unhealthy- Sebastian would know. And Sebastian couldn't stand to see someone be in the dark place he once was, and while Sebastian can't necessarily save Jeff, he was going to do anything in his power to help Jeff save himself.

Sebastian headed up to his dorm room so he could confront Jeff, only to realize that Jeff was gone. He was probably getting homework done in the library. Sebastian tried to distract himself with homework and the messages and apps on his phone, but the image of Jeff's slit wrists couldn't get out of Sebastian's head. After what seemed like years, Jeff finally entered the room. Sebastian also remembered that Jeff was completely unaware that Sebastian knew.

"Hey Jeff." Sebastian said.

"Oh, hey Sebastian." Jeff said. It was a bit weird that Sebastian was suddenly being much nicer to him. Most of the time, Sebastian simply ignored Jeff.

"Look Jeff, there's something I need to ask you."

Jeff just assumed that it was just going to be school or Warblers related.

"What is it?"

"Look, there's no way that I can sugar-coat this. But I need to ask, do you…do you cut yourself?"

Jeff's mind was racing. How would Sebastian even know? He always had his shirt and blazer, so how did Sebastian even know? But Jeff had to put back on the fake smile and act as if nothing's wrong if he wanted to convince Sebastian otherwise, though he had no idea how Sebastian could even know in the first place.

"What? No! Why would you ask that?"

Jeff's hesistance and fake smile only confirmed that Jeff did. How was Sebastian supposed to approach Jeff on something like this? It's not like they were close, but Sebastian needed to help Jeff. He had to before there was another teen suicide attempt.

"Be honest with me."

Suddenly, something inside of Jeff snapped, and everything he could never say started to tumble out. "Why? So you could just find another reason to laugh at me? So you can find out how pathetic I really am? So you can tell the whole school and make me even more of a joke here? Are you happy now that not only am I a freak, I'm also an emo freak? Are you?"

"Jeff, as hard as this is to believe, I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Why not? I mean, why not make me even more of a freak than I already am?"

"You're not a freak. And forget anything insulting I said to you, because I didn't mean any of it."

Jeff was freaking out. How could Sebastian even find out? And what was he going to do to get Sebastian to not tell anyone? At least Sebastian wasn't giving him pity. That he couldn't stand. Jeff saw a bit of empathy in Sebastian's eyes, but brushed it off. How would Sebastian know what he was going through? He was attractive, captain of the Warblers and lacrosse team, and had boys falling at his feet. Jeff, on the other hand, was a whole different story.

"Sebastian, I'm begging you. I know you don't really like me, and I won't blame you for that, I don't like me either. But please, please don't tell anyone. I'll do anything for you. I'll do your homework for the rest of the year. I'll even leave this dorm if you want. But please, I'm begging you to not tell anyone. Nobody can know. Please."

Jeff looked absolutely desperate and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Sebastian wanted to give Jeff a hug, but realized that they weren't that close. Instead he said, "Jeff, I meant it when I said I won't tell anyone, okay? I promise. You don't have to do anything. What would I get out of telling people? Nothing."

"Wait, h-how do you even know?"

"Earlier today, when you were getting your backpack, your sleeve rolled up a little. Trust me when I said that I didn't mean to see it, Blondie."

"I'm such an idiot." Jeff said sadly.

"Look, why do you do it?" Sebastian was pretty straightforward with it all, because otherwise he was never going to get to the point.

"It's not like you would understand. Why do you even care? Wait never mind, you're just curious to see how fucked up I really am."

"Jeff, listen to me okay? I care. It's hard to believe, I know, that I'm caring for another human being. But I care. And I don't care how long it takes for you to tell me, because I'll listen." And from that point on, Sebastian promised himself that he was going to help Jeff no matter how hard it was.

"Why do you even care? It's not like we're friends."

"I just do. But know that I'm not doing this out of pity."

Jeff sighed and wiped his tearfilled eyes before replying, " Because it numbs the pain. And call me a psychopath, but you have no idea what I'm going through? You have no idea what it's like to be completely alone in such a big world, and how painful that is."

But Sebastian knew. He knew all too well in fact. He knew how it was like to inflict physical pain to numb the emotional pain all too well. "You're not alone. You have the Warblers, you have your parents, you have Nick, and you have me."

Jeff laughed bitterly at how wrong Sebastian's statement. It only further proved that Sebastian had no idea what he was going through.

"Really? Then why do I sit alone at lunch? And Nick's only being nice because he feels bad for such a pathetic waste of space like me. And please don't bring up my parents. Please."

Sebastian then realized that it was likely that Jeff had family problems, and that rather than bring Jeff support in times of pain, they were more likely to be the cause. Or like Sebastian's parents, not give a rat's ass about him. But he knew that the Warblers cared deeply about Jeff, especially Nick, who Sebastian was almost certain had a crush on the blonde.

"Do you know what you and I have in common? Pushing people away. We both have secrets we never want to share, so we push everyone away so nobody will get too close. For me, that's being a major dick. For you, that's shying away. Look, what I'm trying to say is that the Warblers care about you a lot. They always say good things about you, and how they wished you talked to them more, because you seem so nice but so shy. And Nick adores you, he's always Jeff this and "Jeff's so cool!" and I've had to shut his annoying midget mouth many times. And I'm not saying this shit to make you feel better or something gay like that. You know that I'm not that type of person."

Jeff couldn't help but smile a little at the mention of Nick's name despite everything that was going on. He was falling more and more for Nick and everything about him every day. Too bad that to Nick Jeff was just a friend, but Jeff should be thankful that Nick wanted to be friends with someone as pathetic as him. Probably out of pity. But Jeff still couldn't help but admire and be in love with everything Nick does. Jeff just wanted Nick to be his, despite that being completely impossible.

"Does Nick really say that?"

"Unfortunately. It's ridiculously annoying how obsessed that midget is with you, I swear he stalks you or something."

Jeff sighed. He wished Nick was obsessed with him like that. But why would he be? There was nobody more bland and boring than him.

"But why?"

"Because he cares. It's hard to believe but nobody's ever as alone as they seem." Sebastian was the exception for that. He was truly alone, and it was all his own fault.

"This is all so fucked up, just like me. Please don't tell anyone. Especially not Nick. He can't find out."

"I won't tell anyone, okay? I wasn't lying all of these times. Can..can I see your wrist?" Sebastian asked.

Jeff very reluctantly pulled up the sleeve of his dress shirt, and Sebastian saw even more red scars all over Jeff's wrist and forearm. How did Sebastian never notice this before? They were roommates for almost half a year, why did he let Jeff get this bad?

"Call me sick, call me disgusting, I know it is." Jeff said, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Seeing Jeff like this made Sebastian want to break down himself, as it brought back memories he wanted to keep buried. But he needed to be strong now. For Jeff.

And Sebastian gave Jeff a hug, which Jeff was clearly taken aback by. Sebastian wasn't a hugger.

"I'm not judging you or anything. But why?" Sebastian asked.

"Why should I tell you? It's not like you would understand."

"I'd understand much better than you think, Sterling."

"W-what are you talking about?" Jeff sniffled.

"Trust me. Been there, done that." Sebastian was surprised that he was still able to keep his composure right now. But he had to, one emotional mess in the room was enough to deal with.

"What? What are you talking about Sebastian? Wait…you don't..you don't, you know self harm, right?"

"No. Well,, not anymore, at least." Sebastian was surprised at how honest he was being with Jeff. But Jeff needed to tell something what was going on with him, because bottling things up for too long could internally kill you. Sebastian knew exactly how that was, and he knew how it was like to be at that breaking point. And that was how Sebastian knew that Jeff was close to that breaking point, and before Jeff tried anything, he needed to open up. And Sebastian would do anything to get Jeff to open up. Even if was doing something Sebastian hated to do, which was open up himself. Truth be told, Sebastian was rude to everyone and kept up walls to avoid the possibility of having to do so. But now, he was about to face his fear, before anything happened to Jeff.

Jeff's eyes widened at Sebastian's answer. He was completely shell-shocked to say the least. He had no idea how to react at Sebastian's semi-confession. But Sebastian seemed like such a confident and arrogant guy. Why would Sebastian ever have to resort to that? What types of things had Sebastian gone through in the past that pushed him too far? Jeff was extremely curious to say the least. Maybe that was why Sebastian was such an asshole most of the time-to avoid dealing with whatever he dealt with in the past. Maybe that was why he ended up transferring to Dalton.

"Wait.. so that means.."

"Yes." Sebastian cut off, and then said, "Anything I'm about to say is not to be repeated to anyone. Or else, your little secret is told to all of Dalton, and little Blondie won't be seen as quite a sweetheart to everyone anymore."

"Okay. Tell me what happened to you." Jeff said, trying to keep his voice even.

"Only if you do the same. I'm not giving out my little sob story for nothing." Sebastian said.

And as Sebastian proceeded to tell his story, Jeff realized that people were completely different than what they made out to be, and that they were more similar than they thought.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave reviews and constructive criticism, and follow the story if you like it :) Also, Sebastian and possibly Jeff's stories will be revealed in the following chapter. I'm not completely sure whether to put both of their stories into one chapter or break it down into two. And I know there hasn't been much Niff interaction, or any to be honest. And there will be definitely be some of that in later chapters, but first I just want to focus on Jeff.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is going to show Sebastian's backstory, and you'll see why he is the way he is. Jeff's backstory is the next chapter and (spoiler alert!) he's keeping a pretty big secret which will soon to be revealed. I do not own Sebastian or Jeff, despite my wishes. Also if you're easily triggered do not read, as mentions of self-harm and suicide are present.**

Sebastian was still extremely reluctant to tell Jeff what had happened to him. But it was now or never, and Jeff didn't seem like the type of person to pity or tell others. And hopefully Jeff could finally open up because anyone could see that he needed to.

After taking a deep breath, Sebastian began, "I was born sixteen years ago in England, and my parents were both sons and daughters of rich families. Their marriage was always more of a social contract, and they were around 21 when they married. so unsurprisingly they divorced while I was only three due to mommy being a whore. And she basically ran off with this douchebag Pierre, and I only saw her again once. I know, what an amazing mother. But it's not like my father was much better. He was always busy with 'buisness' and eventually just forgot about me. It was evident even to little Sebby that I was simply a trophy son."

As Sebastian said that, Jeff realized that Sebastian's life wasn't as perfect as he made it out to be. He was clearly neglected ever since he was a child, and was void of the love most children received from their parents. But Jeff had a feeling that there was much more to Sebastian than simply that.

"I was never like the other children, I didn't spend all of my days in the playground frolicking or whatever little kids even did, and I only had a few friends. Even as a naïve little kid, I knew how it was like to be alone in a big bad world. In fact, when I was seven, I ran away for a day, only to realize that my father was away on yet another 'business trip'. I was constantly passed on from nanny to nanny as a child. When I was eleven I moved from England to France due to business reasons. And that's where everything went to shit."

Jeff continued to listen intently, and he could relate to how it was like feel alone even as a little kid. And ironically, everything went to shit for Jeff when he was eleven as well. And now, Jessica was eleven, and Jeff couldn't even shelter her from how broken his family was.

"At first, things were half decent. I was always well liked at middle school, I got good grades, I did sports, I even had a girlfriend. It wasn't until I had that girlfriend that I didn't like girls at all. I never really stated that I was gay, I just stopped dating girls. And middle school was pretty uneventful. I already felt pretty empty, and I hated keeping up appearances at school and at all of my father's business events. I had no sense of identity. Then came high school. That's when I had a boyfriend, which was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I was already feeling pretty shit and reluctant to let my guard down, even at fourteen. But I fell for this guy Oliver, and I fell hard. He was sixteen and from the moment I saw him, I was completely captivated." Sebastian said this with a bitter tone, obviously this relationship had not ended well.

"At first things were great. Since he was older he was the one who introduced me to the world of alcohol, drugs, and sex. I actually felt happy for once, and I felt like he genuinely liked me, which I couldn't really say for anyone else in my life. Things were fucking perfect for four months. Too bad it was all an illusion. Turns out that to him I was nothing more than a fuck buddy, and he was doing the same thing with two other guys. But despite all of that I couldn't let him go. I began to realize that he was in a way my lifeline and my reason to wake up every day, which made me feel absolutely sick."

Jeff could only know where this story could go, and it was downhill. Jeff also realized why Sebastian was rather closed off and didn't do relationships. Everyone starts off as naïve and trusting, before they get screwed over. Jeff also saw how Sebastian was barely holding on while he was telling the story. The arrogant smirk he always had was gone and was replaced by a somber expression. Jeff saw how Sebastian went through great efforts to regain his composure, and looked as if he could break down at any second. Was this what he had to do every day? Was this what he so well hid with a smirk and a sarcastic comment?

"And despite knowing just how _wrong_ it was, I just couldn't let him go. I was just so lonely and stupid back then. And I grew to despise myself. And one day, I was doing homework when a blade from my pencil sharpener fell out. And as I attempted to dispose the blade, I accidentally cut myself. But ironically, I found a strange enjoyment from the pain it brought. And you could only imagine where the story went from there."

Jeff knew exactly how Sebastian felt. It always started as an accident or an experimentation. Nobody ever knew how addicting it really could be. Jeff was at the point where he was fully aware of how sick what he was doing was, but he couldn't bring himself to stop anymore.

"Flash forward to four months later. It's nearing the end of my freshman year, and to say I was a complete mess was an understatement of epic proportions. I couldn't even go a week without cutting. I still couldn't let Oliver go despite what he was doing to me. My grades began to slip, I quit lacrosse, and the very few times my father actually was around, he constantly reminded me how worthless I was. But the worst was still only to come."

Jeff's stomach dropped as he knew where this story would go. He was completely shocked-little did he know that Sebastian was actually very similar to Jeff. And Jeff wanted to know how Sebastian was able to recover, because Jeff didn't have the strength to do so himself.

"I had this really close friend of mine, her name was Cindy. She was the most popular girl in school, and she was notoriously famous for spreading a ridiculous amount of rumors. And one day, my sleeve slipped a little, just like what happened that day with me and you in the common room. But want to know what the difference was? She basically told the entire school that I was some emo freak, and that's how I went from the top to the bottom of the social pyramid in merely a few days. Originally I was invited everywhere and had several 'friends', but it was obvious how nobody actually cared, because every single person left."

Hearing Sebastian's story absolutely broke Jeff's heart, because people finding out was Jeff's worst fear, and for Sebastian, it had been true. Jeff feared every day that someone would find out and tell the whole school, and Jeff would be shunned even at Dalton. And the fact that someone may suspect that about him and tell everyone just like what Cindy did with Sebastian was absolutely terrifying.

"I was originally someone people just didn't mess with, but I began to get bullied. I was the joke of the school, and avoided everyone. I finally broke things off with Oliver, and many days, I faked sick and didn't even go to school. The cutting went from weekly to daily, and I began to contemplate suicide. My father barely even noticed, so one day I decided to see my mother. I didn't plan to tell her what was going on with me, I just wanted to see if she missed me and still cared. Which was one of the biggest mistakes I've made, because she never cared in the first place. After a two hour train ride to see her, she simply shunned me, saying that I wasn't a part of her life anymore. She had a new family and had children with Pierre, and she really couldn't care less about me or my father as it wasn't her business. And that was the breaking point for me."

Jeff didn't even know what to say. He desperately wanted to hug Sebastian for making it this far and being somewhat okay now. How did he get himself out of this downwards spiral? Because Jeff was slowly going in the same direction as fourteen year old Sebastian was, and that was scaring him.

"The day after, I was ready to end it all. Just like my father said, I was completely worthless, and it wasn't like anyone would care anyways. And I 'accidentally' took a few too many pills, which ended with a trip to the hospital. And my father was absolutely repulsed on why I would do such a thing. He wasn't even concerned about what was going on with me, he was more concerned about what it would do to his reputation. So basically he paid the hospital staff to say that I was in a car accident instead, which barely even made sense, and sent me to therapy. And from there, things got better but not completely. Most of the people at school still bullied me for being a freak, but I began to stand up for myself. And in a few months, most people were rather intimidated by me and kept their distance. That was except for this girl Karla. She was a supposed friend of Cindy, but deep down she despised her, the social caste, and everyone in school. I actually ran into her at a therapy session-little did I know at first that she was dealing with similar things that I was. While I trusted almost nobody, her I was able to trust to an extent. She was the first person in my entire lifetime who actually gave a shit about me, and we still talk to this day."

Jeff was happy that Sebastian was able to find someone who could help him go through such a tough time, even one person made a massive difference when someone felt alone. Jeff could see the small smile Sebastian had when he brought Karla up, and he was happy that this story wasn't going to downhill anymore.

"I was fifteen at this time and puberty took its full toll on me. I obviously took advantage of that and began clubbing and realized how great of an outlet sex was. It made me feel somewhat wanted and like I was good for something. I craved the feeling of people wanting me, even if it was just lust. I loved how I could forget all of the shit in my life with a few drinks. And as the cutting eventually stopped, I found a new way to numb the pain."

Jeff saw how there was so much more to people than meets the eye. People always saw Sebastian as a bit of a whore, and Jeff even thought that at one point. But it all made sense now, why Sebastian even did the things he did.

"By the end of the year I was forced to move to this dump, otherwise known as Westerville, Ohio. And I still continued a lot of the things I did sophomore year. I learned to cover up my pain with a smirk and a sarcastic comment, and I drank and fucked my pain away. I began to somewhat forget everything I've gone through. I think what gave me a reality check and a flashback to everything that's happened was Karofsky's suicide attempt. Because I remember feeling the exact same way, and sometimes I don't even know if I got any better or not. In the literal sense, I did. I'm not suicidal and I stopped cutting, but I still don't remember the last time I was actually happy, and I still feel like shit all of the time. There, you have it. Guess I'm not who you thought I was, huh?" Sebastian finished off, a small tear rolling down his cheek.

All Jeff could do was hug Sebastian. The hug meant the reassurance and support Jeff could never say in words. And Jeff hugged him until he could find the same courage Sebastian did to tell his own story, and to Jeff, that felt like hours.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully this gives a bit of an insight on why Sebastian is the way he is. Please follow and/or favorite if you like this story, and reviews and feedback are always appreciated. Also, if you're dealing with anything similar to what Sebastian or Jeff is, or just need someone to talk to, just message me. And just know that I am not promoting or glorifying anything in this story. **


	5. Chapter 5

**While the previous chapter showed Sebastian's backstory, this chapter will show Jeff's backstory and why he is the way he is. I do not own Sebastian, Jeff, or any of the characters on Glee. Also, trigger warnings for self-harm and suicidal thoughts are present, so read with caution. Well I hope you enjoy this chapter, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here.**

It had been roughly ten minutes since Jeff hugged Sebastian and still he had not let go. Throughout those minutes his mind was racing with how he was going to tell Sebastian everything. The prospect of opening up still scared Jeff a bit, but Jeff subconsciously knew how much he needed to because he kept everything bottled up for too long. And after a few minutes, Jeff finally found the courage to break the hug and begin talking.

"My life started out as nice. I had loving parents, was well-off, and went to a nice little elementary school. I was always a little shy, but I still had friends. But everything changed when I was 11."

Jeff's voice already began to break, and now that Jeff had started his story, he was even more apprehensive to tell it. He was already struggling to keep the tears in his eyes at bay when all of his past memories came flooding back to him. But he had to continue. Sebastian's story clearly wasn't an easy one to tell, and Jeff was going to be strong for once and stop wimping out of everything.

"One day…one day I had sports practice, and…and my mom usually picks me up from these practices." Jeff could already feel the lump in his throat and the tears filling up. He didn't know if he could continue or not, but knew at this point that he had to. "And.. she…she was on her way to the school…when…" The tears spilled out now, and it was getting harder and harder to keep it together. "There was a t-truck, and while m-my mom was on her w-way to pick m-me up.." Jeff couldn't continue anymore. He was crying his eyes out, and he could feel a hand rubbing his back.

Sebastian was completely shocked at the almost-confession Jeff made. It was clearly obvious that the truck had killed Jeff's mother. While Sebastian's relationship with his mother was nonexistent, to not have a mother at all was a completely different thing. And Jeff obviously blamed himself for what had happened. That guilt wasn't exactly something that was easy to live with. If Sebastian was so guilty for what had happened to Karofsky who he barely knew, how would Jeff feel? Jeff probably had a close relationship with his parents, so the guilt would be overwhelming for Jeff. Sebastian wasn't a hugger, but he couldn't help but pull in the broken boy.

"If-if I didn't do soccer this wouldn't have happened. If I just w-walked h-home or something at least. The worst part was t-that it was all my fault too. My life's nothing now, and i-i-it's my own fault." Jeff sobbed.

"Jeff, look at me." And as Sebastian said that, Jeff looked back with such sad eyes that conveyed how much pain he'd been through and was still experiencing. It was evident that there was something Jeff wasn't letting out, but Sebastian wasn't going to pressure him. After all, Sebastian hadn't even opened up to anyone fully, Karla and Jeff being the exceptions. Unless Sebastian was assured that the other person had gone something similar and Sebastian had that comfort that he wouldn't be judged, Sebastian hid behind a mask. And that was all the time. And Sebastian could see how Jeff did the same thing, so no wonder it was so hard for Jeff to open up. It was as if Jeff was ripping off bandaids for wounds that had never properly been tended.

"This isn't your fault. It may seem like it, but you need to stop blaming yourself for everything." Saying that probably wasn't going to be much help, but Jeff wasn't going to get better until he began to let go of his past. Sebastian truly hadn't gotten better-he simply tried to numb his past, and it still haunted him sometimes at night.

"It i-is though! And I'm not the only person who even thinks that!" Jeff shouted.

Sebastian gulped as he realized that Jeff's relationship with his father clearly wasn't good. It was almost certain that it was Jeff's father who blamed Jeff for what happened, as if the guilt Jeff already had inside of him wasn't enough.

Jeff had never told a single person about the abuse. Jessica knew, but not to its full extent. And besides, she was only eleven. Despite doing everything in her power to get his father to stop, there wasn't much an eleven year old girl could do. It wasn't as if his father would listen to her anyways. While his father hadn't laid a hand on Jessica yet, he has mistreated her more than a few times and the possibility that he might was the only reason Jeff came home in the first place. So for Jeff to finally open up about it was a big milestone. How was Sebastian going to react to this? Was he going to find Jeff even more of a freak? Was he going to pity Jeff for being so weak and helpless? But Sebastian probably had the same questions when he explained his abandonment and bullying issues, and Jeff couldn't exactly keep all of this in anymore. And Jeff realized that he couldn't turn down the prospect of someone actually listening to what he has to say.

"Since that day, my father m-made it pretty clear that he h-hated me with every fibre of his being. At first h-he'd made it pretty clear that it was my fault. Despite me know-ing that already, he never f-failed to remind me. At first that was all it was."

Jeff was clearly breaking down, so Sebastian continued to hug Jeff and rub his back until Jeff had the strength to continue. Sebastian gulped as he knew how this story was going to end up.

"A-and to deal with the pain he started to drink, and b-before I even knew it, h-he was a full-on alcoholic. H-he never brought her up anymore, b-but soon the v-verbal blows became, well.."

As Jeff broke down completely into sobs, Sebastian held the broken boy, and Sebastian, in a way could feel Jeff's pain. Everything that Jeff had been hiding for the past few years all finally came tumbling out. It was quite evident that Jeff had kept this all to himself, and by his difficulty of sharing what had happened, Sebastian saw how Jeff still was in this pain on a day to day basis; he was just better at hiding it. It was unsurprising that Jeff had such a low self-esteem after the kind of pain and abuse his father inflicted on him. And it just wasn't fair. Jeff was one of the nicest people Sebastian knew, he didn't deserve to go through this pain. It was bad enough that his mother died, did he have to deal with all of this as well? And Sebastian also realized that Jeff inflicted pain on himself physically, because then, just for a fleeting moment, he could forget about everything else.

And it was evident that from that point on for Jeff, it was getting harder and harder to see the light in life. Everything was painful, and he forgot what it was like to be happy. Sebastian himself could say that he didn't remember the last time he was happy or even genuinely smiled. And Sebastian realized that Jeff almost rarely smiled and kept to himself a lot, and that there was a reason for all of that. Clearly whatever blows Jeff's father targeted towards him had taken a toll on Jeff's self-esteem, distancing himself from everyone else. Sebastian did the same thing when the kids from his old school in France began to taunt him, he simply pushed everyone away. He still did the same thing in fear that they would see that Sebastian wasn't the tough guy he made himself out to be.

And while what Sebastian had gone through wasn't nearly as bad as the struggles Jeff still dealt with, Sebastian did emphasize with how Jeff felt. And that empathy itself was what made Sebastian decided that he wanted to help Jeff. He didn't want to see Jeff hurt anymore. He was going to keep Jeff away from such a harmful family environment. Sebastian himself didn't have the best family, so staying with him clearly wasn't an option. But what confused Sebastian was that if Jeff suffered such abuse at home, why did he go in the first place?

So after Jeff calmed down and his eyes were dry, Sebastian asked, "Jeff-can I ask you something?"

"S-sure. I'm so sorry, I'm such a weak mess. I'm sorry I spewed this all out on you. You can leave if you want." Jeff replied weakly.

"First of all, you're not apologizing for anything Jeff. You need to realize that none of this is your fault. You're not weak at all, the fact that you're still here and choose to wake up? That alone shows how strong you are. And I'm not leaving anytime soon."

"B-but if it wasn't for that stupid soccer practice of mine.."

"No. There was nothing you could do about it. You need to let it go. It wasn't your fault and believing that it is doesn't help anything."

"Even if not for t-that, I'm a useless waste of space who would just be b-better off not here."

"Jeff you can't believe that. Fuck anything anyone ever said to you, because it isn't true."

"B-but it is."

Sebastian looked at Jeff straight in the eyes. "It isn't. And I don't know how long it is going to be to convince you that it isn't true."

After Jeff attempted to regain his composure, he asked, "Sebastian do you believe it isn't true about yourself?"

Sebastian pondered the question for several minutes before answering it. If Sebastian was being completely honest, had he really ever "gotten better" in the first place? It had been over a year since he's really tried anything. But the thoughts were still there. Sebastian still often felt as if all he'd manage to do was fuck things up for everyone and he sometimes wondered if he would be better off not here anymore. And if Sebastian still thought this way, what was he going to tell Jeff? He needed to stay strong for Jeff, because Jeff clearly needed someone at this point before he tried anything.

"Y-yes." Sebastian said hesitantly. Why did he have to stutter? That obviously showed how halfhearted his answer was. Hopefully Jeff didn't see through it.

So Sebastian added, "But that's not the point. Look Jeff, I need you to promise me something."

"If you're just going to ask me s-stop what I'm doing here, you of all people should know that it's just not that easy! I can't just stop one day and be all happy. I honestly can't deal with anything anymore. I can't deal with being the school loner, I can't deal with being dumb and fat and ugly, I can't deal with the shit my father gives me, and I can't deal with how none of this was even a problem until I screwed everything up with th-that soccer practice! And at the end of the day, as pathetic as it sounds, the razor is the only thing I have left!" Jeff cried brokenly.

Sebastian gulped because he knew exactly how Jeff felt. He remembered so many days where he was forced to go to therapy, and how those were the exact thoughts in his head he never said out loud. He knew how it was like having to bottle everything in until it was let out at the end of the day. And considering he still spent his days screwing random guys and drinking his weekends away, did he really know how to help Jeff? But that wasn't the point. Now he needed to get his act together. For Jeff at least, because he couldn't see Jeff go the same path he did roughly two years ago.

Another thing Sebastian knew that someone couldn't "just stop" cutting all of a sudden. Everything would be so much easier if that was the case. Even if someone recovered from that habit, the thoughts are always going to still be there. And he wasn't going to ask Jeff to do that, because he knew how hard and slightly unrealistic that was. But he was going to ask Jeff to promise something else.

"Jeff, I'm not going to ask you to stop. Because as nice as that is, life isn't some sort of fairytale and that isn't realistic. But I am going to ask you to promise me something else."

"What is it?" Jeff whispered.

"The next time you feel like cutting, or if you just feel low, talk to me. Or if I'm not there, call me or text me. I know that we're not that close, and it's awkward. But I do care, and before you say anything, you're not being a burden. Can you do that?"

As Jeff listened to Sebastian's offer, he began to realize how much he _needed_ someone who can listen. Someone who can stop him. His heart ached for someone to just listen, and now the offer was right in front of him. Sebastian was the last person he'd expect to understand in any proportion what he'd been going through, and now here he was. Just a few hours ago, he would have been surprised if he and Sebastian had any interaction more than the simple hello. But as Jeff realized how much he needed someone to listen, his heart spoke before his mind did.

"Yes. Please. G-god, I'm so sorry for being such a fuck up. If I'm bothering you it's actually fine."

"You're not bothering me, how many times do I have to say this? And one day you'll believe that I actually do give a shit about you."

"T-then why are you caring for me all of a sudden? Why did you say all of those things to me beforehand? Why did you never even talk to me until recently?"

Sebastian felt awful after hearing Jeff's words because in a way, it reminded Sebastian of how selfish he actually was. Why did he never notice? He was so determined on keeping his walls up and pushing everyone away that he didn't notice whose walls were breaking. And he didn't blame Jeff for believing that Sebastian simply pitied him because it wasn't as if Sebastian talked to Jeff much before recently. But Sebastian, for some reason, did care now. It partially had to do with the fact that Jeff reminded Sebastian of his old fifteen year old self, but a lot of it was that he was developing a fondness of the blonde. And he genuinely wanted to help Jeff and make Jeff believe that he wanted to help.

"I-I don't know. But starting now, I'm saying that I don't pity you. I do give a shit, and it's up to you if you'll let me help or not. Because I'm saying from experience that pushing everyone away is only going to make things worse."

Sebastian knew that he was being blunt, but he didn't exactly know how else to phrase that he cared through Jeff's head.

Jeff thought about what Sebastian said. He still had the strong feeling that Sebastian was simply pitying him or felt guilty because of the recent suicide attempt, but was it bad that he didn't care much anymore? He was just so desperate for someone to notice and now someone finally did. So why was he pushing the only person he had away? He was such an idiot.

"O-okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

And after that word, Jeff headed to the bathroom. And he added with a small chuckle, "I'm not trying a-anything. I just really need to pee."

**I hope you enjoyed! In the next few chapters there's definitely going to be a lot more Jeff-Sebastian interaction. I know that there's been literally no Niff interaction for the past five chapters, so I'll try to fit a bit of that in soon. But first, I want to focus more on Jeff and Sebastian as their own person. Also, remember that reviews and follows encourage me to continue writing :) Any feedback is highly appreciated! **

**ps: I'm so happy that Glee finally came back a few days ago! The episode was pretty good in my opinion. It was great seeing the New Directions back, and all of the Sue scenes were hilarious. I honestly didn't care much for the Klaine, but seeing Sebastian with the Warblers and hug Blaine was amazing (my inner fangirl is showing..) And if Seblaine can't be canon on Glee, I'll at least try to make it canon in this fic…eventually.**

**pps: I know it's been over 2 months since I updated my other fic From Meerkats to Steroids and I'm really sorry! I've been really busy lately so I'll try to update that within the next week or so. I've had a terrible writer's block for that story and have completely blanked out lately..**


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